Dear Boys,
There will be several new beginnings you expereince in life: graduating form high school and then again from college and/or graduate school, a new year, a new job, a new wife (I am praying for each of yours all the time!), having a child, starting over after a tragedy, etc... Our family is about to emark on a couple of these at once: moving and starting a new job. Actually, it will not be a job- Your dad is going back to school to start a new career!
I wanted to share the process we went thtrough to get to this point because I feel like this one change in our lives is going to have a huge impact on our family but you all may not remember all of this when you become older. Your Dad and I have had a great time at this home, it is spacious, it has a pool, and a creek and a beautiful lot. We have great nighbors and we are close to the schools, we love it here, but it has become an idol for us....meaning we are spending more time keeping this place up than we are keeping our realtionships up- the primary ones being between your dad and I, you three and God. These are the most important things in our lives and we are tired of putting them on the back burner to take care of all the little things that need to be taken care of around here. Your Dad works a lot right now... he tries hard to be here when he can but he is slave to his job right now- he barely has any time time off and when he does that "off" time is taken up by his clients and sales people wanting him for something. We are both weary of this and are ready for a change.
After praying for over a year about what direction He would want our family to take- God gave us an answer. It is not the easiest thing to do- we will be without an income for 15 months and I will need to find some part time work. But, in the long run, we feel it will benefit our family greatly. Dad is wanting to study to be a family nurse practitioner which I think will suit him very well. He has a high level of empathy and concern for people and has always been interested in the medical field. A year ago, his best friend died of cancer, Daniel. He had been through the same program and Dad was always intrigued by it.
So, we are fixing up this home to sell and then we will look for a rental and possibly change schools. I have been on edge lately, yelling a lot more than ususal and just generally agitated as I let the things and changes around me consume me. But, I don't want you to remember this time in our life that way. I want you to know that this change is GOOD and God ordained and that I am proud of your Dad for taking such a risk and for his desire to put God and our Family first. Dad and I have often been frustrated by the fact that we have not fully discovered our gifts until later in life and how hard it has been for you all to be a part of that. But, I am starting to see it a different way! I can see now that you three have the priviledge of growing up with us and we can all discover our individual gifts together. I think it will be goood for you to see you father in school as a witness to how you will spend much of your time over the next decade and to see where it can get you if you work hard at it.
I aso think it will be good for me to step out and figure out more what my gifts are. I have always known that I wanted to be a Mom, first and foremost, one of my biggest dreams and that has been realized!!! I am so proud of you all and love learning how to be a good parent- but it has been less than perfect and often down right messy at times. However, I hope you have seen how I have gone to the Lord in those much less than perfect moments. Life is messy and that is why new beginnings can be so good- to have a clean slate and start something from scratch is also saying, "this time I have learned from my mistakes and I am going to move forward as a stronger person." or simply, "I have grown and I am going to live that growth out now in this new era."
I do feel like God has grown me and shown me many ways that I have failed as a mom but also ways that he has used those failures to draw me closer to Him. I pray that this is what is witnessed by you all as we move forward on this new adventure.
I love you,
Mom
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